Chapter Sixty Five

Jon arrived home and let himself into his apartment flicking on the lights, he threw his keys down on the table. God, he was so wired and restless, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he’d heard from Jesse. Placing his cell phone in the middle of the table with the volume set to high so he wouldn’t miss a text or call if she called. He fished through the liquor cabinet and soon poured himself a strong whiskey before slumping into the large armchair that looked out over the city.

How did all this happen, it was just so freak, he was alive? After all this time. The look in her sad eyes back at the road stayed with him, all he’d wanted to do was hold her and tell her that everything was going to be ok, but was it? He had to be prepared for the worst. This is what happens when you fall in love so quickly he ruefully thought to himself as he thought about drowning himself in alcohol for the night but he needed to be here if she rang.

Two hours and a half a bottle of whiskey later he was laying on his back staring at the ceiling, he couldn’t sleep even with the alcohol that was fogging his brain. This was driving him insane. She hadn’t called. He only kept imagining that she was tucked up in bed with Jason, and they were... god yes his mind had ventured there too often in the last two hours and it made his gut wrench the thought of her with him.

He let out a frustrated grunt and flipped the sheets off before walking back downstairs with his phone. Maybe he should have told her he didn’t want to lose her, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer, that’s what the real Jon would have done dammit.
He just loved her damn too much that he wanted her to choose him, because she wanted to. That was it.

It was a little after four in the morning, but he knew Richie wouldn’t mind. They had an understanding. And besides if Kia was with him, she needed to know about Jason.
He walked out to the balcony and sighed hitting speed dial and waiting for the answer he so badly needed right now.

“Fuck... Hello?” a voice muttered on the other end. Richie was never one for waking up fast.

“Hey Dean, it’s me” was all Jon could muster.

“Frank? What the hell, what’s wrong?” Richie knew Jon never rang at this time of the night unless it was bad.

“God, I don’t know how to even say this man, Jesse’s husband Jason, he’s not dead, he came home tonight” he said straight as you could.

“What? FUCK? You are kidding me?” he blurted suddenly coming to attention. “He’s alive? How is Jesse? God, how are you?” he asked concerned.

“How do you think Dean, I’m just…shit” Jon couldn’t help the lone tear that ran down his cheek.

Richie’s heart went out to his friend, god he’d never heard Jon so flat since back in the late 80’s before he had his mini breakdown, and he thought he’d never hear the same fear in his voice until he heard it now.

“Jon, I’ll be there in ten” Richie confirmed as he shut his phone, this was serious. Shit, Kia needed to know about this as well. It was one night that they had opted not to spend together since they had started dating. Typical he thought to himself as he threw on his jeans and a shirt before heading out the door.

Jon closed his phone and wiped away the stray tear, he refused to cry. He walked back inside and placed the phone back on the table, he stared just a little longer as he wished it would just ring. He sank back into the chair.

His eyes fell to the couch where the shirt she had made him was slung over the back of it. Moving there he took hold of it and quickly took off the shirt he had on and slipped it on. Her love and care that had gone into the fabric was holding small comfort to him right now as he closed his eyes and leaned back.

“Fuck” he muttered angry at himself for doing it, tormenting himself more. He had to hold himself together, he wouldn’t let her see how distraught this was making him, it would only guilt her. And he couldn’t let himself do that to her.

A knock on the door only a few minutes later brought him back to earth as he shuffled off the couch and went to unlock the door. He managed a small smile as Richie stood there, a six pack of beer in his hands.

The sight of Jon was a sore one to Richie, the man that stood before him, hunched and pale held very small resemblance to the Jon he was used to.
“Hey bro” he said as they met in a man hug pat down style.

Richie walked in and placed the beers down next to the half of bottle of whiskey that was on the table. “You’ve had a head start I see” he said as he popped the tops off two beers and handed one to Jon.

“Yip” he said as he took a swig from the cool bottle and motioned to the chairs.

“So how the hell is he still alive?” Richie asked joining him.

Jon let out an exasperated sigh “Well he was a prisoner of war, he’d been held somewhere in secret, he wasn’t where they thought he was when the explosion that killed him happened” he explained. God it sounded like a soap opera.

“Holy shit, and Jess, she must be in shock” Richie said watching Jon fiddle with the labelling at the neck of the bottle.

“She’s a mess, I left her to talk to him in private as I thought that it would be the right thing to give them sometime together, but now, I dunno, she hasn’t called, she said she would, or come over when she was done, I told her I would wait and work it out with her, but fuck it all.. All I want to do is drive around there and tell her I’m not letting her go” he explained.

“Well you did more than I would of Jon. You did the right thing, I would have begged her by now” Richie admitted leaning back and crossing one of his lanky legs over the other.

“I’m close to it Rich, fuckin close” he swore.

“She loves you Jon she was going to marry you, she’s crazy about you, Kia’s told me that she hasn’t seen her THIS happy even with Jason” Richie admitted.

Jon smiled knowing Richie was just trying to make him feel better. He always seemed to know the right things to say in the right moments.
“Thanks man, I just hope she sees it that way. I can’t imagine what it’s like for Jason though, coming home and seeing her engaged to someone else” Jon mused.

“Well, it’s not like she’s cheated on him, and he had to realize in reality that she might of moved on, its tragic but it happens, life does go on when you make peace with someone’s death” he said. “She’s done nothing wrong here, but her emotions are gonna be all over the place, she’ll be looking for a way to not hurt one of you, but again someone is going to in the end, there’s no way around it” he said seriously. He hoped it wasn’t Jon but he could see Jon had already resided himself to that possibility.

Jon rose an eyebrow “Always can count on you for woman advice, if anyone knows them it’s you” But Richie was right on the money with his observations. He looked down into the bottle as he swirled the gold liquid around. “I just don’t want to lose her Richie, I fought so hard for her at first to give me the chance and she did, and now I can’t see my life without her” and he couldn’t. That scared Jon as he’d never been the sort of person that was defined by another. He’d controlled himself and his own emotions all these years. But he needed Jesse. There was something about her that he couldn’t be without.

Richie nodded “I know you cant Jon, but don’t go writing yourself off so quickly, its been one day bro, she’s going to flip flop through this, just be patient” Richie said although that was always easier said than done.

“Yeah I know, guess you can just call it preparing for the worst case scenario, you know me” he said finishing the first beer before he watched Richie collect the next two for them.

After an hour of talking it out with Richie Jon felt a lot calmer than he had all night, of course this was also due to the alcohol weighing heavily on his body. He didn’t see it coming when he closed his eyes and fell into a light sleep. Richie stood and took the beer out of his hand and let him be.

“You poor bastard” he whispered as he patted his shoulder and settled himself on the couch to grab a few winks.