Chapter Sixty Six

It was after six am when Jesse got into her car that morning and drove to Jon’s. What a night it had been, and if at all possible she was more confused and mixed up than she was before. But she had to see him, she just had to.

The kiss with Jason had been short lived. She’d pulled away and told him she couldn’t do it. The look on his face resounded in her heart as she sat in the driver’s seat watching the splotches of rain hitting her windscreen. He was heart broken, he’d seen in her eyes that she truly had moved on.

They had ended up talking for hours about the last few months, she managed to tell him about Jon and also now about Kia dating Richie. She failed to mention the part about his parents being so cold to her around her dating Jon, but she figured that would come in time. He was due to see them this morning, and he’d asked her to go with him to see them but she’d declined, saying she would pop around later and join then. She had to see Jon first as she had a feeling he would be going crazy inside.

The end result was Jason asked her to come back to him, she should have said no straight away. She was sure that she wanted to, but something still deep inside of her relented with that decision. This was just too hard. No one should have to make this decision. Ever.

Upon arriving at Jon’s she quickly scurried in the rain to the apartment complex her heels splashing in the puddles. She hadn’t bothered to change since the night before, so she was still in the easy-access dress from the launch and she hated to think what she must have looked like. Wrapping the long woollen coat around her body tighter she made her way to his floor with the key code he’d given her the other week and was soon standing at his door. She nervously knocked and prayed that he’d answer. She didn’t have to wait long as the oak door swung open but it was Richie’s worried brown gaze she was met with.

“Jesse!” he exclaimed as he took a step forward and wrapped his long arms around her tightly. “God are you ok?” he asked standing back to get a better look at her, The usual sassy confidence she projected was long gone, and sad brown eyes stared back at him enhanced by the rain drenched look she was sporting.

“I’ve had better days Rich, is Jon here? Is he ok?” she asked concerned. Having Richie here told her that answer immediately.

He shook his head “He’s asleep but he’ll be wanting to see ya Darlin, he’s a mess, but he’s trying to stay strong, like Jon does” he replied as he popped his knuckles together.

She smiled sadly. “He was fantastic last night, so understanding” She bit back the tears as she saw him asleep slumped in the chair behind Richie. “It’s just so hard” she admitted quietly watching the destroyed man in front of her sleep.

“Heyy” he gently rubbed her back as he led her in. “Of course it’s hard, god Jess, I can’t even imagine the emotions you are going through” he soothed. Richie picked up his keys and phone before turning to her.

“I’m gonna leave you guys alone, I’m meeting Kia for breakfast, you want me to tell her?” he asked.

Jesse closed her eyes God Kia, she hadn’t even had a chance to call her about this, and she was going to be just as shocked as she had been.

“Please if you don’t mind Richie, tell her I will catch up with her later today” Jesse knew she was going to need her to talk this out with her, as right now she had no idea what she was going to do.

“Sure thing babe” Richie motioned to Jon “he might be cranky as he had a bit to drink last night”

Jesse’s eyes ran over the beer bottles and empty bottle of whiskey that littered the table and nodded. God, he was devastated. She knew she should have come quicker.

Richie soon left so Jesse a pot of coffee on in the kitchen still deep in thought when she almost dropped the mugs she was collecting from the cabinet.

"Shit" she muttered as they made a clang on the benchtop.

Jon squinted his eyes open, the light of the room almost burning his sockets out. He rubbed his temples as the pain raidated through his head. Then a crash came from the kitchen making him wince a little as he stretched from the chair. Typical Richie always made so much fucking noise, he thought to himself as he padded towards the kitchen scratching his head.

“You can’t possibly make coffee quietly can ya asshole?” he said walking in but stopped when who he saw wasn’t Richie. His heart skipped a beat as she turned and faced him with a sheepish look on her face.

“Sorry baby, I dropped the damn mugs” she replied meeting tired blue eyes. The rings around his eyes were prominent and he looked awful.

“Oh hell, its you, you can throw plates around the place baby, anything you like” he said, he wanted more than anything to hold her but what if she’d come to tell him she was leaving him? Fuck this was a horrible situation.

Jesse managed a small smile as she watched him calculate it all in his face “You just going to stand there?” she asked raising an eyebrow.

He didn’t need much more than that, he enveloped her in his arms and pulled her tightly to his chest, breathing her vanilla and woman scent in, that right now was the most comforting feeling in the world.

“God, it’s so good to see you, I thought you might not come” he admitted not caring how stupid he sounded.

“Of course I would, it’s been a long night that’s all” she replied sighing into the warmth of his chest and holding on tight to his waist.

“I know baby, I know…I need some aspirin damn it” he cringed as the pain blinded his thoughts.

She pulled away and chuckled “Richie told me you would be cranky” she teased grazing her finger down the stubble on his cheek.

He managed an easy grin “Yeah I sorta went overboard” he shrugged “I couldn’t help it”. He returned her gentle caress with one of his own, tucking a strand of obviously rain drenched hair behind her ear.

She ran her hands down to rest on his waist “It's ok, this is just as hard for you as it is for me, I know that” She looked back at the kitchen. “I’m starving so let’s make some breakfast to soak up that alcohol and sit and talk” she suggested seeing the sun had started to break through the clouds again.

“Sounds great baby” he didn’t want to let her go but he resigned to pressing a light kiss to her forehead and doing so as she got busy making French toast and bacon.

Soon they both were sitting at his large oak dining table and enjoying breakfast. Jon had so many questions he wanted to probe her with but he knew he had to be patient and trust she would tell him all in good time.

She sat back and looked up at him. She didn’t know where to begin, she could see his uneasiness in the way he ate even, and he was on edge waiting for her to speak.

“Jason’s devastated” as she began to work out finally her feelings in her heart.

Jon looked up twirling the fork around the bacon on his plate “I bet he is. It can’t be easy seeing you like this” he put his fork down and leaned back. “But what do you feel Jesse, putting aside what he feels and what I feel, what are you feeling?” He had to know.

She took a long sip of the black coffee she’d deliberately made strong. “Honestly?” she asked.

“On one hand, I feel loyalty to my husband to go back there, I do and I can’t help that. And one the other hand, I wish that this hadn’t happened as I’m so happy with you. Arguably more happy than I ever was with Jason” she admitted as she ran her finger along the rim of the cup.

Jon nodded. He knew loyalty to Jason would be one of her biggest things, as Jesse was loyal, that much he knew.
“Its understandable Jess, I get that, so it’s ok really” he said as she watched her twist her engagement ring nervously.

She leaned forward and took his hand over the table and took a deep breath. “Jon, I love you so much, the last few months of my life with you have just been wonderful, they really have” her nerves inside her were bunching as she tried to continue. She need to let him know, she couldn't leave it hanging and seeing him looking so dishevelled when she arrived drove it home to her.

Jon’s stomach twisted at her words, she was giving him the break up speech? He waited for her to continue. His heart beat loudly against his chest and his spare hand clenched into a tight fist as he waited for the answer.