Chapter Fifty Four

Their gentle touches and soft kisses took them both through as she lost herself completely in the man that was lavishing his love on her right now. Time stood still, and cautions didn’t matter, this was their moment.

Jon’s lips raked down her neck in desperate hunger as he continued to roll into her, pulling whimpers and muffled gasps from her each time we came back out and went back in.

“Jess, god baby….” His desperation grew louder and his movements faster as he gave into the much needed release he was after. Her body arched against his, their salty sandy bodies against one another as they both climaxed in time.

She lay limp against his shoulder fighting for her breath, as the glow of their lovemaking faded the chill from the water started to make her shiver. Feeling her begin to tremble in his arms he rubbed her back gently. “It’s ok” he whispered.

She pulled back meeting his contented ocean blue gaze “I got to tell you, this is the craziest thing I have ever done” she whispered against his cheek. Here she was on a beach in the wide open spaces, naked. She realized how dangerous this was for him, if anyone saw, or worse had a camera.

He snorted “I lose control around you Jess, I can’t help it, I forget who I am, or where we are” he tucked her sand laden hair behind her ear. And it was true, years of being so careful in the public eye. Always so aware of his surroundings, and in control of his situation, she brought something to him he hadn’t felt in a long time. Freedom.

She smiled “Well that’s a good thing kind of right? You’re so used to being recognised and such?” still in his grasp she reached and pulled her t-shirt back over her head and stuff her bra in her jeans pocket. “I mean, to me, you’re just Jon, always will be. That’s all I know”.

She was right, she had had a small taste to his life in the real world in Nashville, but she hadn’t really experienced Jon Bon Jovi as such just yet. “Well the concert next week will be an eye opener for you” he teased as he watched her button up his shirt for him. He wondered how she would take his stage persona, as really it wasn’t much different except for the fact he was flirting and charming an audience of thousands, not just her.

“I can’t wait to see you in action, I mean, I’ve seen the videos and the clips, but seeing it live, I’m sure it can’t compare” she pulled him up out of the sandy cradle they had both been in as they readjusted themselves.

“And well I can’t wait to see you in your element either” Jon said referring to her launch of her collection that was next week as well. It was to be a big week for both of them, and they would both learn a little more about each others lives before each other.

Jesse smiled graciously, she was looking forward to having him there with her, she looked down at her jeans that clung to her body, damp and heavy they felt like rough sandpaper against her legs.

“Well now I can’t wait to get home showered and changed” she giggled as she watched him try and start to walk realizing that he had the same issues with his own jeans.

“Sex on the beach is so messy” he groaned as he took her hand as they began to walk back to the car.

Soon enough they both were back at Jesse’s apartment, offering Jon the shower first she threw all their clothes into the laundry and turned on the machine, wrapping herself in a towel she knew Jon would need something to wear until his clothes were dry, she had bought Jason a robe for when he would return from overseas but obviously it never was given or worn, she rummaged through the cupboard where she stored it and came across a box covered in an old sheet. This was odd; she couldn’t remember placing this here. She pulled it out and found the framed pictures of her and Jason inside the box that she recognized belonged to his parents.
What the hell? How did these get in here?

Every single picture that they had, or she had given them over the years was in here. She felt angry tears spring to her eyes.

She placed the box on the table and found the robe she had been looking for, just as her gaze met Jon emerging from down the stairs in a towel slung low on his hips.

He immediately saw her pained face and hurried over to her, spying the box on the table.
“You found them” he said as he tried to pull her into his embrace.
It had completely slipped his mind to tell her about this.

Jesse pulled away and looked him “When did they turn up and why did you hide them?” it had to be him as no one had been here, they didn’t have keys to her place anymore.

He cringed as her tone told him that she wasn’t too pleased with him. “Jesse, they were on the doorstep the morning after they arrived here that night... I just didn’t want you to see them baby... you were so upset. And I didn’t want you to feel more guilty than you already did” he tried to comfort her by drawing her into him but she pulled away.

“You should have told me Jon, I could have handled it, and I’m not some basket case that needs protecting” she snapped.

“Hey, I never said that you were Jess, I just didn’t think you needed to see it after all that had happened, I was going to tell you, but honestly it slipped my mind with everything that’s been going on” he admitted as he rang his hand through his hair.

He watched as she slammed the box down onto the floor and stormed off to the shower slamming the door to the bathroom door behind her. He sighed and decided to make a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch. He knew he stuffed up but hell, he’d only done it for her, his heart had broken when he saw how his parents had made her feel, like scum for getting on with her life.

Jesse furiously applied the shampoo to her hair and scrubbed the sand out of it. How could he do this? Did he really not trust her enough to handle it? He’d been more than supportive through everything up until now so why that would have been any different, she had no idea. She turned the shower off and dried herself off, changing into fresh clothes. Taking deep breath she walked back downstairs half expecting Jon not to be there, but he was, sitting on the couch sipping his coffee deep in thought.

He looked up at her as she came back in the room, refusing to meet his gaze she walked into the kitchen. So she was going to ignore him. He pulled himself up and followed her in.

“Look I’m sorry baby, I did a dumb thing” he said as he watched her look through the fridge and then slam the door shut.

“Yes you did” she wasn’t angry anymore than he’d hid them, she was madder at the fact that he didn’t trust her enough to handle it and had made that decision for her.

“Come on Jess, please. What was I meant to do… this keeps coming back up... Time and time again, I just don’t know how to deal with it sometimes”

She placed the milk down on the counter and looked at him and raised her eyebrow “What exactly keeps coming up? The fact I have a dead husband? The fact that I sometimes don’t know what I’m doing? That I am unsure?” Jon noted her sarcastic tone.

Shit. “Jesse, that’s not what I meant, this is hard for me too you know… I know you’re still grieving and I never wanted to push you into this, but I worry that I’m doing that, and I worry that all the stuff with his parents will just have you doubting you more… I don’t want to lose you Jess” he said honestly, he’d ever expected this at all from their relationship but as the time had gone on, he knew he wanted this forever. But he was shit scared that she wouldn’t feel the same way, He knew she loved him, but a small part of him doubted that it was as much as he loved her.

Jesse saw red, now he doubted everything she felt for him, after everything that they had been through, all her admissions and feelings for him. He doubted. Instead of seeing the way he felt inferior to Jason, she only saw his doubt.

“I want you leave” she said quietly as she stirred her coffee.