Chapter Fifty Five

Jon’s face fell “Now come on, you don’t mean that” he watched as she didn’t meet his gaze. She looked like she did the first time she started to doubt their relationship, her eyes filled with worry and that confidence lost.

Jesse stirred her coffee, she was so angry at Jon, after all this time, all their talks, he still felt like she was holding onto Jason, she had told him and proved to him she let go so why would he think that. This was the same augment that had kept coming up time and time again, the little niggling in her own mind. Because she felt his unrest, she had again started to doubt herself. They had come so far, through Jason’s parents, his parents, and his wife his kids. It hadn’t all been smooth but they’d survived it all so far.

After she didn’t speak Jon went to pick up his keys, and realized he couldn’t leave, he had a towel on, and his clothes were in the laundry.
“I can’t leave Jesse; I’m not driving home in a towel”

She looked at him and managed a small grin “I suppose that’s fair” she poured him another coffee and handed it to him, and well as motioning him to the robe that was on the table.

He quickly pulled the forest green terry towel robe on and sat down on the chair in the living room. He watched her as she put the box of photos back into the closest and joined him on the couch.

“I’m sorry” she began. This was such a mess. Why she couldn’t just let go, once and for all, she didn’t know. She was over it.

He tucked a strand of her wet hair behind her ear. “Don’t be, this is an unusual situation for both of us right, the main thing we’ve got to remember here is that we both love each other right?” he asked.

She nodded “Of course, I just don’t want you feeling like you have to protect me, I know you meant well...” she trailed off watching him lean back into the cushions.

“It was the wrong thing to do, I know it was Jesse. I just” Jon took a deep breath, he had to be open, completely honest with her and his feelings on this.

“What is it? You can tell me Jon?” she prompted feeling like he was holding back as she

His hand fiddled with the mug in his hands before he spoke. “Don’t hate me for this, but I just sometimes feel so inferior to Jason. And by that I mean that I don’t know if I will ever live up or compare to him” his eyes shot up to meet hers.

Jesse’s eyebrow raised, she never expected or even thought that Jon would feel this way, especially Jon being who he was.
“Why do you feel like that? You shouldn’t” Jesse spoke softly.

“Jess, the man was your husband, who you are very still much in love with, he died for his country, everything here is a constant reminder to that” he took a long sip of his coffee. “How can I compete to that?” he asked quietly.

Jesse’s eyes widened as he had been completely brutally honest with her. She nodded, he was right in a way, and she could see it how, he’d feel that way.
“I had no idea you felt that way” she replied. “Jon, you don’t have to feel that way, Jason is dead, and he’s not coming back. You don’t have to compete”.

“I know its stupid, but its just how I feel, I never expect that you would compare us, but he left you when you were in love, its different for me, I fell out of love and Dot and I moved on” his hand raked though his hair as he let out a sigh.

“I’m sorry for feeling like that and I wish I didn’t” he admitted.

She placed her cup down and took his hand. “Jon, it’s ok, I never thought to think you could feel this way, but it makes sense in a way, it can't be easy” she looked out the window as the sun was just beginning to set. She needed a way to how him he didn't need to compete for her love anymore.

“Wanna go for a quick drive? I want to show you something” she said as she got up to go and get dressed.

He was about to ask what he’d wear when she handed him his soul t-shirt and a pair of jeans, presumably Jason’s.
He nodded and threw on the clothes and soon they were in her car heading somewhere that he had no idea. He didn’t question her as soon enough it was answered as they pulled into the cemetery.

“What are we doing here?” he asked quietly as he watched her get out of the car.

“Closure” she replied as she waited for him to join her. Ribbons of pink and red stretched high in the sky above them as she took his hand and led him to his gravesite.

Jon was quiet watching her respectfully as she leaned down to straighten the flowers that had obviously been recently placed on the marble grave.

“Jason honey, I’ve brought someone for you to meet. This is Jon” she motioned towards him, not expecting him to say anything as she didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

“He’s come into my life, and he’s a wonderful wonderful man, and is looking after me in a way that you would be proud, you really would” she said dusting the dirt away. She bit back tears as the next part came out of her.

“You know I will always miss you baby, but I have to let go sometime, you always said that as well. I will never forget, I promise you, never. And I will cherish all the years that we had together, you were so good to me, and I miss you so much. But now I’ve been lucky enough to find a man just as good as you. He’s so different but I love him very much, and its time for me to move on with him” she stood up as she pulled the dead flowers away and left Jon standing at the grave by himself as she walked to the trash.

The tears that threatened his eyes he pulled back as he spoke, he hadn’t intended to but it just came out.
“Jason, I promise you with everything I am, I will look after her, and I will do my best as we both know she deserves it and more. She’s a special lady and I’m very blessed I got to know her, so thank you” his feet shifted in the dirt as he looked up directly at the headstone. “And Jason, if it’s ok with you, I would like to ask her to marry me” as he did a warm breeze tickled through his hair, as Jesse came back.

“You ok?” she asked him noticing the glassy look in his blue eyes.

He smiled and nodded pulling her in close to him.
“You didn’t have to do this, you know. But thank you” he pressed a light kiss on the top of her head.

Her arms snaked around his waist as she buried her head into his chest. “I love you Jon, you got to know that right” she asked looking up to meet his gaze.

He nodded “I do, and I promise, I won’t ever doubt you again” they met in a long kiss as the night sky settled in. They strolled back to the car slowly. Jon deep in thought about his revelation to himself, he wanted to ask her to marry him, a smile broke over his face. He knew exactly how to do it as the thought came to him.