Chapter One Hundred and One

Jesse lay tucked into his side watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. The sheet that they’d used to cover themselves twisted around his body riding low on his belly just above the tuff of hair that trailed down. With the tips of her fingers she drew lazy circles over his ribs avoiding the dark purple patches which still littered his body. She was sated and she was content, but she wasn’t happy. It still grated a nerve with her and she tried to understand in herself if it was the idea of him in cahoots with the mob or that he did it behind her back.

As her thumb grazed gently over his nipple his lips twitched and his eyes opened slowly, she felt him take a deep breath before he slowly stretched around her.

“That’s a dangerous game to play Jess” he teased dropping a kiss on her forehead. His arm around her gripped her shoulder tighter as he slowly rolled onto his side with a small wince.

“You ok?” her eyes flicked up watching the pain momentarily etch across his face before it softened again.

He nodded “Just a bit tender” he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear “But it was worth it” his lips met hers, his tongue breaking past her lips and into her mouth. She accepted the kiss, her hand reaching for his cheek.

“We need to talk” the color deepened in his eyes. She trailed her fingers down his arm and circled his wrist. “Firstly about distracting me with sex” the small smile twitched on her lips as his eyes stayed locked to hers.

He managed a small smile “Now come on, we haven’t since- well since I got home and I’d missed you”

She tapped her fingers across his chest “That’s not the first time you’ve done that either Jon” she tried to sound angry, but unsuccessfully.

He nosed into her ear pushing his lips against her ear “Well I didn’t hear you complaining” his hand slipped under the sheet across her back and down to cup her ass. He tugged her in gently.

She sighed and breathed in his scent “Would you use them again?” she asked against his skin. That’s what bugged her was whether this would happen again. She understood his need to protect his family and her but still it ate away deep inside her that he’d done this.

Jon continued to stroke her hair as he carefully thought about his answer. Would he? He couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t if the time called for it. “If you were in danger or my children, then yes I would Jess” Honesty won. There had been something that was bothering Jon, niggling away at the back of his mind.

“Jess does it bother you more that I know them and did this, or that it was your ex-husband?” he asked.

She snapped her head up to meet his gaze, he was serious? “Well of course it bothers me. I did once love the man”

Jon nodded “Do you still love him?”

Jesse felt a lump build in her throat. Of course she did, but nothing like the way she felt about Jon. Not even when Jason was normal. “Well I do still care about him” she admitted her stomach twisted in a small knot as she felt him stiffen around her.
“I see” was all that came from him. Jesse looked up and the vacant dull expression on his eyes that stared out into space.

She shimmied herself to sit up, leaving him on his back against the bed. “There’s something I need to ask how you feel about” she smoothed down the sheets around them as the crimson glow of dusk settled into the room.

He dropped his hands away from her and nodded “ What is it Jess?” she looked everywhere around the room before back to him.

“I want to go and see him”

Jon’s eyes widened and he felt the anger bubble inside him as he shot up from the bed growling as his body soon reminding him he was still fragile. “What? You can’t be fucking serious?” he asked.

“Jon I need to know. I need to l know what the hell happened to him, why he did this to you. To us” she’d been thinking about it for awhile. It was closure she needed. Her heart was broken and it would never recover from what he did to Jon. But she had to know.

Jon raked his hand through his hair “Because he’s a fucking nut case Jesse, that’s why. What else do you expect him to say? He’s sorry and he still loves you and wants you back?” his tone was harsh but fuck he couldn’t help it.

She pulled the sheet up around her body “No it’s not what I expect. I want to know why he felt compelled to beat you into the ground”

Jon stepped out of bed and tugged his jeans on “Because he went crazy in his prison of war camp Jess, then he came home and his wife had moved on with some other guy” he fastened the button fly “So he didn’t like that so he tried to do what most military minded people think “Eliminate the problem. There, save yourself a visit” he snatched his t-shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head.

“Jon, please—you don’t understand” but he held up his hand.

“Look Jess I can’t stop you doing anything. I’d never do that to you. You’ve got your own mind. But I fail to understand what it’s going to achieve than bring you more heartache” why she would even consider this? Jesus. Jason didn’t need anyone’s sympathy right now. Especially not hers.

Jesse sighed “I need closure” she reached for her robe and wound it around her body and fastened the knot.

“He’s a criminal Jess” Jon leaned against the doorframe.

She cocked her hand on her hip “Oh right and the guys you called in a favor from are all just good abiding citizens of the law now are they?” She arched a brow. If he wanted to challenge her, she’d challenge him right back.

He snorted “Are you going to throw this back in my face every time we argue? Just so I know”

She went to march right past him but stopped when she reached him “No I’m not but I can’t believe how contradicting you’re being Jon. It’s never the same rules for everyone else is it?” she carried on up to the kitchen where they were meant to be having a late dinner.

The fire in her eyes made him think twice about what he was going to reply as she stormed off. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath before following her up there. He slid onto a seat at the breakfast bar and watched her throw the packet of fresh pasta from the fridge out to the bench.

He flattened his palm on the counter top and sighed “Look I’m sorry. I hate this shit Jess. This bastard has caused us to do nothing but fight ever since he’s been back in your life and I hate arguing with you”

She dumped the handful of tomatoes down on the granite surface and turned to him, he was right. They did seem to argue about Jason a lot. “I hate arguing with you too Jon but you can’t tell me how to feel about this”

He slammed his hand down “Jess. I never fucking did. I hate what he’s doing to you even though he’s behind bars” he hopped off the chair and walked around to her and took her hands in his. “He was going to kill me Jess, unless I gave you up and let him have you. So you’ll have to excuse me for not wanting to throw him a damn party”

She broke his gaze and her head fell to the floor, the black and white tiles started to blur into one as she shook her head. God was she being selfish here? “Have you ever loved someone so much and watched them change and become someone you wonder how you ever loved them in the first place?” she pulled one of her hands away and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. “A man you used to make love to, think the world of. And he turns into something completely different?” she asked looking up to meet his gaze.

The pain in her eyes made his belly twist in knots. “No I haven’t” he said quietly. He used the knuckle of his index finger and lightly brushed her cheek “You can’t blame yourself for this and I know deep down inside of you. You still do”
She sniffed as he pulled her in closer to his heat “I can’t help it” was all she could say.

Jon cupped her head and pressed a kiss to the top of it “I love you Jess, and I respect you in every way. I can’t stop you from going down to see him. But I won’t pretend to be happy about it. Just think before you do, what you really want to achieve from it and ask yourself is it worth the heartache you want to put yourself through? And you if do that and your answer is still yes. I won’t stop you” he held her tight letting his arms wrap around her shoulders. He then pulled away and walked back into the lounge leaving her there alone.