One Hundred and Two

Jon dug his fingertips into his arm as he sat overlooking the New York morning. The haze hung thick over the buildings that arrowed high into the air. She'd gone. Jesse was on her way to see the bastard that caused all this. He'd said he trusted her mind but honestly, he'd expected her to see sense. Maybe he didn't understand her as well as he thought he did.

Jon would have of loved to seen the bastard himself. Just to make sure they were going to slap him with a huge sentence to keep him rotting there. He deserved nothing less. If it had been Jesse taken and hurt, would she still feel this way? He'd doubt it. The worst thing was the fear of him always being there in her mind. Sure, you always remembered your first loves but fuck this wasn't love. He was a madman. He didn’t deserve the love or attention that Jesse was still prepared to give him.

He could have stopped her if he’d wanted to. But what would of it achieved? Another screaming match? If it did close the issue once and for all then great. But he wasn’t convinced.

He huffed in disgust and gave up before padding back inside. He was going to brood until she got back. There was nothing else he could do about it. He spotted the pile of demos finally back from the recording company. Maybe he should listen to those. They had to finalise the record in a matter of weeks. He picked up his cell phone, his thum hovering over the send call button with her number displayed on the screen. Should she of respected his wishes? Was it really that much he’d asked for?

“Dammit” he muttered dropping it back onto the couch. He wasn’t going to beg her not to do it. She had her own mind. That’s what he damn well loved about her. He just hoped in this instance, she’d make the right decision.

~

Jesse cranked the handbrake of the car and leaned back closing her eyes. What was she doing? Was she crazy?

She gathered her things and entered the cream colored block building. It was nothing like the grey looking dungeons on television. It was pretty plain and ordinary. The reception area had you sign in and shown to a small waiting area. It was minimum security after all.

“Jesse Adams, I’m here to see Jason Adams” she said quietly to the desk clerk.

“Sure, just sign these and I’ll need to search your personal effects” the tall burly guard instructed her. Square would be the best way to describe him. His upper body was more like a fridge, mirroring his square jawed face.

She signed the register and handed over her bag. The twitch in her arms had her hugging them around herself. Jesus, stop it. Nothing to be nervous about. He is confined. He can’t hurt you.

“That’s fine Ms Adams, just take a seat and we’ll let you know when he’s ready for you. We’ll have him in a room with a guard standing supervising if you’re comfortable with that. Its protocol” he explained picking up the handset to make a call.

She nodded and took a seat. She still didn’t know what she wanted to say to him, the entire drive to the prison she’d rehearsed in her mind what she’d say to him.

“Jason, why did you do this?”

“Jason, why Jon?”

“Jason, you’re not the man I married anymore…”

She buried her face in her hands, her heart was pounding hard against her chest she was sure it was going to explode. The look on Jon’s face when she left this morning came into view. He’d hardly said anything but the pain was etched all over his face. The small smile he gave her never quite reached his eyes and his kiss goodbye, had been a brush on the cheek.

He wasn’t happy. He’d made that clear but the one thing they both had at the end of everything was the respect for each other. Had she chosen to forgive him over the mob incident? Even she wasn’t sure.

Her mind flashed back to when Jason and her first bough the house, the giggles as he carried her across the threshold. Her hand clutched to her chest, as she struggled to keep her breathing even. They were in love then. There was a time she thought she’d never know anything else apart from his warmth and smile. Then he was gone.

The next memory had her skin tingling. It was in the same house, but the warmth and the smiles were much bigger. The feel of his hands on her back, his fingertips grazing down her spine. Their cheeks pressed up against each other as he sang her his song in a slow dance.

Jon.

The smile spread across her face, as did the days of lying in bed strewn between sheets making love until they were exhausted. He was like no other man she’d ever met. Even Jason when they were in their prime, he still wasn’t Jon. Jason was the protector of the country, where Jon was the protector of her heart.

“Ms Adams?” she looked up as the guard came back in, “we’re ready for you,”

She nodded standing and tucking her bag under her arm. She followed the man down the narrow corridor and stopped as they reached the door.

“When you’re ready.”

She looked through the small square glass window to the simple room, two chairs and a table….and a man she once knew sitting in an bright orange jumpsuit. Her breath caught in her throat at his appearance. He made a homeless person looked well cared for. The scruff on his chin, and the dark rings around his eyes shadowed his face.

She clutched her chest as her heart broke. And then she felt nothing. Nothing for the man that sat there looking lost and heartbroken.

Nothing.

“Miss?” the guard snapped her gaze up.

“Uh, right” she curled her hand around the steel handle, except she couldn’t bring herself to open the door. The orange jumpsuit blurred as she fought to control her tears. She released the door handle and let her hand fall to her belly. The nerves twisting in knots.

“No, I don’t need to go in anymore” she whispered. She turned away from the door, looking over her shoulder one more time at the man that was her past.

“I know my way out thank you” she quickly paced down the corridor and pushed open the double doors to fresh air. She leaned back against the cold brick and breathed out.

“Oh god” she brought her hand to her throat. She let one tear fall, and replaced it with a grin. It was over, she was free and she knew where she belonged with no questions asked. And no guilt.

The click of her heels followed her back to the car. She needed to go home.

Home.

What a new concept that was that wasn’t her own house. It was time to move on, she needed to arrange more with her lawyers, have the house sold and the divorce proceedings well under way.

When Jesse arrived back at the apartment, she let herself in. The double doors to the balcony were wide open, and the gentle strums of a guitar could be heard. She dropped her things and kicked off her shoes as she walked out.

“Jon?”

He looked up and his eyes widened “Jess, hey,” he flipped the guitar off his lap and leaned it against the balcony. “You’re back already?”

“Yeah…” she looked out over the city and then back to him.

“I’m sorry” she stroked the top of his head brushing the hair back from his face.

He pulled her down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist to brace her. “Don’t be. I behaved ridiculously. I can’t ever understand why you wanted to go but I realize I don’t have to. I just have to trust you.”

She moved her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead against his holding his gaze. “Thank you. I didn’t go in Jon.”

His eyebrow winged, “You didn’t? Why?”

“I got there, I got to the damn door and saw him and then I just realized I didn’t need to do it. I didn’t want to see him. I thought I did, but I don’t.” she pressed her lips against his and closed her eyes.

“Jess, I’m so proud of you.” His mouth closed on hers, drawing her closer. Her vanilla scent and sweet taste wrapping around him. His hands moved up to her face, as he opened her to him.

He grazed his thumb across her jaw line. “You mean too much to me.”

She nodded as she gave into his kiss. This is where she was meant to be. “Thank you” she whispered into his mouth. “For protecting me.”

His eyes opened as he met her soft brown ones “I’d do it again Jess, you mean far too much to me now.”

She cupped his cheek in her hand “As do you. And it’s time to move on. For good Jon, I want everything with you. The whole lot.”

He chuckled, “You’re getting it anyway, whether you want it or not. I’m not taking no for an answer.”